Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth,
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth.
I wish I’d been that much more willin’
When I had more tooth there than fillin’
To pass up gobstoppers,
From respect to me choppers
And to buy something else with me shillin’.
When I think of the lollies I licked,
And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little,
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.
My Mother, she told me no end,
“If you got a tooth, you got a friend”
I was young then, and careless,
My toothbrush was hairless,
I never had much time to spend.
Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right,
I flashed it about late at night,
But up-and-down brushin’
And pokin’ and fussin’
Didn’t seem worth the time… I could bite!
If I’d known I was paving the way,
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fillin’s
Injections and drillin’s
I’d have thrown all me sherbet away.
So I lay in the old dentist’s chair,
And I gaze up his nose in despair,
And his drill it do whine,
In these molars of mine,
“Two amalgum,” he’ll say, “for in there.”
How I laughed at my Mother’s false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath,
But now comes the reckonin’
It’s me they are beckonin’
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth.
Copyright: Pam Ayres
Who says a beauty blog can’t be cultural? That’s, like proper poetry that is. Well, kind of.
Anyhoo! My teeth aren’t that bad in reality, but they could do with a little sprucing up, I have to admit. So, I spent an interesting hour at The Welbeck Clinic yesterday, looking into getting my teeth whitened, and I’ve decided to go for it.
I hate my smile, and there’s a reason you never see my teeth in my Face of the Day posts (and I’m aware there haven’t been too many of those recently, long story, but they’ll be back, consider this a warning), that’s because my teeth are yellow, and I have a somewhat “gummy” grin, which I’m very self-conscious about and have trained myself over the years not to grin much.
So I approached my visit to Welbeck with some trepidation yesterday, I thought I’d be thrown out for having nasty teeth! Luckily, the clinic is warm and welcoming, and Dr Joe couldn’t have been nicer. He explained the difference between the at home system (basically four hours a day wearing custom-made trays unable to eat or drink anything that might stain for 14 days) and the laser-whitening (Zoom) system, which takes one visit to the dentist and a couple of days in trays at home. I opted for the Zoom laser, it just sounds easier, quicker, and well, it involves a laser, and anyone who read my blog post yesterday will know how I feel about those …
During my consultation Dr Joe was totally honest about how the process is entirely unpredictable, and results will vary individual to individual, which I appreciated. He also pointed out that I have translucent teeth tips and these won’t whiten at all during the process. To be honest, I hadn’t even noticed I had translucency issues. I’m just hoping my teeth don’t go completely invisible over the years!
I then had my impressions taken, from which they make my trays for the at-home portion of the whitening (which takes four days) a process which was surprisingly easy, and super-speedy, and didn’t taste as strange as I expected it too, which was nice. It took about seven minutes start to finish to complete the whole thing. I go to collect those on 23rd February, and then the full whitening will go ahead on 1st March … I can’t wait. New gnashers will be mine … for a year or two, it’s not a permanent process.
Whilst I was there, I also enquired about gum sculpture, but it turns out I’m not a suitable candidate as I’m not having veneers, so, whilst I can’t deal with my “gummy” grin, at least the teeth you can see will be white and shiny!
I’ll be back with before & after photos later, is there anything else you’d like to know about the process? Also, has anyone else had this done, what can I expect, do you think?
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