Adventures in Ageing

© Andy Gotts MBE 2014 – reproduced by kind permission    

 By Tindara

I’ve posted previously about being a
big woman and how much my creativity with make-up and fashion helps
me feel confident and ready for the world. Recently, though I’ve
been battling some other demon. I’m really starting to feel my age
in my face. Those of you who know me or have seen pictures are
probably thinking I need a slap about now, but hear me out. I’ve
been blessed with high cheekbones, thanks to my mum. But as a result,
as I’ve got older, my under eye shadows have become more pronounced
and I’m often frustrated when applying eye-make-up. I want a crisp
clean look, or a smudgy rock chick eye and all I can see is shadows.

Over the last year or so, I’ve tried
every concealer and technique known to man, but nothing seems to
work. Even high coverage products have made it look worse. So
recently, I’ve started thinking about whether I would ever get
fillers in this area as I’ve heard they can help. I’m worried
about starting something I can’t finish, psychologically and
financially, even though I know the vast majority of people who have
these kinds of procedures have just one issue dealt with. Plus, I’m
a feminist and part of me feels uncomfortable about the ubiquity of
surgery, botox and fillers. I do understand however, why people get
these things done. We live in a world terrified of ageing. And
especially terrified of old women.

Without really
thinking about it too deeply, I’d started scouring the media for
women my age who haven’t had work either surgical or non-surgical,
but all I see are smooth foreheads and bag free faces. I’m not sure
whether it’s brilliant make-up or good lighting or just my current
perception, but more and more women seem ‘done’. I’m not
talking about the scary waxy immovable faces, or the recent Renee
Zellweger brouhaha, but those subtle changes you don’t notice until
you think about it specifically. I feel like we’ve forgotten how to
age, how to appreciate looking good as a forty, fifty or sixty year
old without trying to look thirty or younger. Where are the imperfect
and irrepressible femme fatales wearing a kimono and burgundy
lipstick, clutching a martini glass and fidgeting with a long
cigarette holder? Where is the fun of getting older and having the
gravitas to own a thoroughly eccentric or grown-up look?

More importantly, how can we fight the
insecurities we all have as we get older if it starts to become
accepted that you will have work done? I’m a problem solver, I get
it, I love finding the right product or technique. I dip into online
discussions and forums with a shopping list at the ready, looking for
the latest serum or base that will make me look amazing. It seems,
though, that at the very least, non-surgical fixes like botox and
fillers will soon become the norm for both men and women as they get
older. Perhaps we’re going to have to be brave not to join the club
when confronted with an army of smooth foreheads in our workplaces.
Perhaps I perceive it this way because I’m interested in film and
beauty, which are off the charts pressurised in this respect. I try
not to judge, I think if I was under that constant scrutiny I may
have buckled early and often. But where do we draw the line?

I’m asking a lot of questions,
probably because I’m as confused as most people are about this
issue right now. I guess I respect people’s freedom to have these
treatments and personally understand the insecurities and
frustrations that lead to those choices. But I feel like I’ve
forgotten what an untrammelled face looks like. I cling to the
beautiful pictures of the Lauren Bacall or Katharine Hepburn in their
forties, fifties and sixties as though they’re holy cards, praying
they’ll give me the strength to resist. 

Maybe in the end, what we need is a
little honesty. Let’s all get our cards on the table. Only one
person I know has admitted to having anything done and I suspect
she’s not the only one. How do you feel about this? Would it be a
better all-round if people in the public eye were more honest about
it, or friends and colleagues spoke about it in the same way they do
about having a facial? It could help us know what the realities of
ageing are and be more comfortable in our own skins. Lately though,
when looking in the mirror, I have to keep reminding myself that
no-one cares or notices as much as I do.

This post: Adventures in Ageing originated at: Get Lippie All rights reserved. If you are not reading this post at Get Lippie, then this content has been stolen by a scraper


  1. 19th November 2014 / 09:21

    Great article T!
    As a fellow Sturdy Girl, but not a fellow stylish or glam girl, I wonder if my non-aging face is/was my *thing*. I'm a chubbster, not very stylish and not terribly glam but FUCK YOU – I LOOK YOUNGER THAN I AM. But, that seems to be changing. I'm getting lines around the eyes, my forehead isn't quite as smooth as it was and nothing is quite as taut. This, I'm finding mildly depressing. It means I don't have a 'but' anymore.
    Then I look at my mum. Mrs No Makeup Ever. Mrs Soap-and-Water and a Nice Smelling Moisturiser. She's aging gracefully, and at 70 in a few weeks, I think she looks brilliant. She's got crows feet, smile lines etc etc. Why does she not give a shit, but I think maybe I do? It HAS to be external pressures. The ubiquity of the smooth featureless face on the telly, films, adverts and media in general – especially for women of around 40, is insidious. For my mum's generation, plastic surgery was something that was totally out there, and to be mildly mocked. Penelope Keith (to pick a ‘normal’ TV personality of my mum's age) looked handsome, and her age. I can’t see many woman of our generation going down that route, and remaining on prime time telly.
    Will I get anything done? Nah. I’m just not that motivated to spend that much on something I’m only mildly dismayed about. I’ll just keep plonking on Aldi serum, and looking to my mum for inspiration.

  2. 19th November 2014 / 09:44

    I am 55 and feeling my age more and more – 50 was a horrible watershed I don't recommend to anyone. There's lots I would like to fix about my appearance but I am hanging on in my natural state, even though I also sense it is not a level playing field. I wish those who have had work done could have a little label to that effect, so that the untinkered with could look relatively not half bad by comparison. 😉

  3. 19th November 2014 / 20:52

    Great post!!! Fabulous photo!!! Ageing is nothing to be scared of and it's better than the alternative. I love women like Joan Baez who've gone with it – maybe with a little help – than the ones who are still clinging to who they were in their youth or have faces full of plastic. So that's what I'm aiming for. Besides, injections and surgery scare me too much.

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