Dove: a conversation about bottle shapes

 

Dove: “Each bottle evokes the shapes, sizes, curves and edges that combine to make every woman their very own limited edition,”

 

Get Lippie: “Oh grow the fuck up. It’s unnecessary, unneeded, unrequired and unasked for. It’s also unwelcome.  Do you really think us fat fuckers people are so absolutely insecure that we need our body lotions to look like us? Or was the thinking more like ‘they’re so fat that their chubby little fingers won’t be able to pick up a skinny-minnie ickle bottle of lotion? WE CAN SAVE THEM FROM THEMSELVES, HALLELUJAH!!!!’  Please, let me tell you, as a fat bitch person I do not weep when a fucking  plastic receptacle bottle of lotion in entirely practical and sensible packaging doesn’t look like me, because I am not a total fucking moron crazy person. Are you high, Dove? Are you insane? Or are you, yet again, trying to sell more products off the back of patronising fat people by pandering to a need that doesn’t fucking exist?  Fuck off back to fuck and when you get there, fuck off some more, thanks, Lippie”

“PS the new bottles are horrible. Horrible. They look like they’d be impossible to hold, and even awkward to get the lotion out of. You want to make a new bottle to help us chubby fucking bitches people use your lotion? Invest some money in making it ergonomic. Then make it properly recyclable and even non-slippery. Make a single bottle shape that’s usable for anyone of any shape, size or ability to use. That’s true inclusivity. Different bottle shapes as a “celebration”, my arse*.”

* My arse is not available at this time for comment.

Get Lippie has run out of swears.

 

 

7 Comments

  1. May 10, 2017 / 8:56 am

    oh fuck off And when you get there fuck off some more.

    Them. Not you.

    I am large of arse and I will grab the bottle I think is the one I need, not the one I think I look like. Am I going to grab that middle one as it resembles the image that looks back at me in the mirror? Am I buggery.

  2. May 10, 2017 / 12:29 pm

    I love you.

  3. May 10, 2017 / 2:45 pm

    Dove really really annoys me. YOUR MARKETING SHIT DOESN'T ACTUALLY WORK. PEOPLE AREN'T STUPID

  4. May 10, 2017 / 9:58 pm

    Top swearing! & I totally agree with every word of it.

  5. May 13, 2017 / 6:54 pm

    None of these are tall, fat hourglasses, so I guess I will not be empowered by lotion.

  6. May 25, 2017 / 7:15 pm

    Best review. of anything. ever. I'm a guy, and don't think that would never happen with a men's product; it's offensive. do they have neo-nazi's in the marketing dept?

  7. August 3, 2017 / 6:32 am

    Oh my god, you're the best for writing this!

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