I Love My Muff
Back in the day, Get Lippie used to be a big fan of Iron Maiden. Okay, that would be a slight exaggeration, it’s probably more accurate to say that Get Lippie was a big fan of Bruce Dickinson. To this day, I have no idea why*, that fringe! Although, I’ve just done a quick Google search and he’s ageing rather well. Ahem … Trust me, this is all totally relevant. I’m totally going somewhere on this little trip down memory lane. Well, kinda…
Anyway, many years ago, Bruce Dickinson released a little-known solo album, and on that album is a song called “Dive, Dive, Dive”. It’s dreadful. And it’s about … well, let’s put it this way, every single time I see the box for “I Love My Muff” in my bathroom, I get the chorus of that terrible song as an earworm. Trust me, visions of Iron Maiden at six am aren’t this blogger’s idea of fun. Well, not anymore, any way …
So … um … yeah, what is “I Love My Muff” then? Well, the kit I have (there are two, a blue and the green, and it’s the green I’ll be talking about today) contains a wash, a spray, a moisturiser, and some wipes, all said to be scented with vanilla, grapefruit and ylang ylang, said to be perfect for the “muff on the go”.
I’m not sure I have a muff that’s going places, to be honest. I don’t really give the ladygarden that much thought. I keep it clean, obviously, and I trim the … er … lawn once in a while, but I’ve never really considered giving it it’s own four-step beauty regime before. Can you imagine targeting a product like this at men? Four products in one box specifically for their dangly bits? You could call it B’lox Pour Homme, and then charge them £38 for the privilege of not having cheesy testes. But, if you do do it, I want commission, mmkay?
Now, I’m actually doing the product a disservice here, they’re nice products, very nice in fact. They’re vegan and cruelty-free. They smell nice, but they’re not overly perfumed, they’re about keeping your “sensitive parts” clean and fresh, so they are not the labial equivalent of Mr Sheen. Using them is not at all like blasting your shanana with a bit of Pledge and and a baby wipe, they are very, very, gentle, and it is, in fact, an actual pleasure to use them. It turns what is normally just a routine clean into a bit of a ritual. My second major gripe (I’ll get around to the main one in a second) is with the packaging, as all the instructions say to “lovingly apply to your sensitive parts”, which sets my teeth on edge a bit. If you’re going to use “Muff” in the product name, why go all coy on the products themselves? Stop fannying about, and call a muff a Muff, please. This is a personal thing though, it’s just that the wording is a bit hippyish, and nothing annoys me much more than … hippies.
My major, major gripe is the price. THIRTY EIGHT of your English pounds. That’s a hell of a lot of dosh to keep your vajayjay clean. The individual products are between £18-22 each, and again, I think that’s on the pricey side. All in all, it’s a good product, but, even with my love of expensive fripperies, I can’t – quite – justify the price. I do love the wipes though, they’re aces, and if they weren’t the best part of a pound each then I’d have a supply on me at all times.
The Fine Print: Not a PR sample, but it was a gift from someone associated with the company.
*Not quite the truth, Get Lippie knows precisely why, but this is a family blog, and we’re not at liberty to discuss the matter any further. AT ALL.
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