22nd July 2011

Glitter

By Get Lippie

 

I hate glitter.

There, I said it.

I HATE glitter. It’s small, it’s shiny, it’s multicoloured, to some beauty bloggers – particularly when it comes to nail varnish – it’s like crack, they can’t get enough of it.

But, here’s the thing.  I think it looks cheap.  And, occasionally, I think it looks tacky.  Actually, when it comes to glittery nail varnish, I don’t mind it all that much, once a year or so.  At Christmas.  For a party, or something.

But I shall tell you where glitter has no place being, and that is on the lips, the eyelids or – DAMMIT! – the cheeks of a forty-something woman, especially when that said forty-something woman is an accountant.

It’s frustrating, because, shiny, sparkly, twinkly things are this particular forty-something accountant’s (you did realise I was referring to myself, right?) particular downfall. I love shiny, sparkly, twinkly things, especially if they are pink.  Open my handbag at any particular moment in time and any number of shiny, sparkly, twinkly and, above all PINK things will fall out of it, many of them very expensive, to boot.

But, personally, I think glittery makeup, no matter how high end, looks cheap.  Actually, scrap that, cheap makeup with glitter actually looks okay – to a point. It’s when you buy that “youthifying” product that promises “reflective pigments” for a “glow”, only to get it home and discover that “youthifying reflective pigments” are actually glitter and the only glow you’re getting is actually merely your cheekbones refracting light like a disco ball on acid.  At a disco*.

But worse, and oh! how much more worse, is the hidden glitter that the cosmetic world occasionally likes to torture us with.  And it’s only ever the high-end brands that do this, which is very annoying.

NARS Calanque, for example, is one of the most beautiful looking eyeshadow palettes in the world.  And it cost me £33. But I had to have it. That sludgey khaki, that wonderful cream, that white that contains the BIGGEST CHUNKS OF GLITTER KNOWN TO MAN, and it is, of course, this shade that covers fully two thirds of the pan.  And this NARS glitter is cunning, ladies and gentlemen, because it hides underneath fully a micron of beautiful pigmented eyeshadow, so you won’t see it in the store, and, it can tell the difference between your hands and your face, so it won’t show up when you’re swatching.  But, it is allergic to eyelids.  Oh yes, it is.  That can be the only reason why, when you wear Calanque, you end up with glitter on your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, your ears and even your hair.  And the hair of your partner, your cat, and anyone else you come into contact with whilst you’re wearing it**.

NARS of course is not alone in this.  Why, just recently, I came across a YSL “highlighter” that appeared to have infested an entire division of the company I work for.  Glitter is a slut likes to get around.  It may look like unicorn tears, but it’s the tears of a unicorn with measles.

And this, dear readers, is why glitter is a plague upon our houses***.

 


* I’m OLD, get over it.

** I’ve worn it twice.  MrLippie is still picking it out of his eyebrows.

*** If you like glitter – and I think this little rant got away from  me at the end there – well, please feel free to disregard this post.

No unicorns harmed in the writing of this post.

This post originated at: http://getlippie.com All rights reserved.