Lady Anti Monkey Butt
Yeah … whilst I’m not sure I’m completely onboard with the packaging of Lady Anti Monkey Butt (or even the name for that matter) it’s the time of the year where we talk about chafing, and this year I want to talk about that most taboo of topics: the permanently moist underboob.
Summer, for a fat lass, can be a season of multiple minor irritations, from chafing thighs, to the aforementioned sweaty underboob, especially if you’re above, say, a DD cup. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t worn a real bra since March and in warm weather, big bosoms and no real support is a recipe for disaster. I have any number of soft cotton wire-free “bras” that basically just form a barrier between the various bits of my torso, and they’re there mostly to prevent heat rash, but sometimes that just isn’t enough. Add in a peri-menopausal tendency to night sweats and/or hot flashes, and even the most absorbent undergarment will need a little help.
I’ve been singing the praises of Bodyglide since 2011, and for chafing, it can’t be beat – especially on thighs, and to stop shoes rubbing, but somehow, the thought of Bodyglide around the girls just doesn’t seem right. I have some medicated talc, but using that is joyless, and … medicinal – plus it’s better for treating heat rash than preventing it, I use the one by Cuticura – and one day, whilst skimming Facebook I saw someone recommend Lady Anti Monkey Butt powder specifically for just such an underboob situation, and, scoffing at the name, I googled it.
Apparently, the original “Monkey Butt” powder was created to treat sweaty bum cracks. When you get itchy in that particular spot, it’s called a “monkey butt”. Obviously this is some kind of dreadful Americanism that I’ve never actually heard of, not ever having had an itch in that particular area (what with me being a lady, and all), but it’s basically designed to prevent chafing in sensitive areas. A mixture of cornstarch and calamine, the powder in my bottle of Lady Anti Monkey Butt is sweetly scented, and delightfully silky on the skin, no matter where you apply it.
I was a bit surprised to discover the powder is pink, but it definitely does what it says on the tin, which is: absorbs sweat, and stops chafing. Whilst I wouldn’t trust it in shoes, or for the thighs for a long walk, for the underboob area of an evening it’s just perfect for my needs, and a little bit, applied with a puff, goes a long way! It even keeps my armpits dry overnight, and stops me feeling clammy.
I’m a big fan of the product, but hate the branding and name, and the fact that it’s not more easily available in the UK – I had to import mine via Amazon.com, and for two tubes, plus postage and fees it came to around £12. Bit pricey for what is essentially talc, but I suspect two tubes is basically a lifetime supply.
Do you have any tips for treating your itchy bits?